Don't stand at my grave and cry

Came across this poem while watching Desperate Housewives, and am very impressed by the thoughts and words.

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there
I do not sleep

I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow

I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle Autumn rain

When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds

In circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night

Do not stand at my grave and cry

I am not there
I did not die

Death still remains as one of my greatest fears.
If the day has come for me, I wish I could have such belief.

Given the world so beautiful, I hope to be here forever, be it in the form of wind or birds, snow or rain.
I simply hate to admit the fact that one day, everything, everything will just STOP, and your life ends FOREVER. Whatever you do, whoever you love, just stop like that. And the clock will never tick again.

Also mostly because I sincerely wish - with the thought that I never leave, those whom I love and those who love me, will not painfully cry.
I do not know if I can still feel anything after death, but what I am sure of is those who live have no way to run away from the fact that I am gone, forever.

So I guess, I am still not coping well with death.

Who copes well??
Think too much huh?
Yea yea, Qian is growing her white hair now.

To cheer things up a little, I think I shall show you this.
Partly to prove the truthfulness of my previous post, and mainly to satisfy Yihui's desire.

Here you go: double-chinned Qian
(not enough?? you can perhaps scroll down a little to the paris post, there is one photo with danny and the waiter, and look at the size of my face!! -.- now you can laugh.. )

In return, Yihui - it's time to show your 'latest updates!'
Wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be right here waiting for you. :p

Pig

Is it the snow and cold weather? Or is it the relatively easy course?
I am eating and sleeping and eating and sleeping and...

Now I've landed myself in a shape very close to a 'pig'.


Then I came out with different excuses so that I can feel better:
1. Chinese New Year ma...
2. Cold ma...
3. It's good to have a little bit more 'bak' (meat in Hokkien), looks healthier a.k.a prettier..
4. I accummulate my fat now, so that I can thin down myself during exams, but not end up looking like a pale, sick person.

Aiyea whatever la.
Lyssa and Yihui must be laughing now...kekeke...'finally it's your turn'...

Great!

One more excuse: cheer up you both :)
Worth it worth it!

There is nothing wrong with falling down when you can stand up again

Soon you realise,
Those that do not kill you make you stronger.

New Year Craze

I was randomly surfing blogs of my sisters, Yihui and my beloved juniors like Jun Shen and Livia.

And I have a realisation!! (ting ting)

The realisation is:
New year is all about getting together with your family!!

Alrighty, how inspiring it is -.-

But as you read the words of theirs mentioning about gatherings with family, trips to Genting and Cameron Highlands, so on and so forth, you realise one amazing thing :-

- despite the location and actions, being together with your family - those having direct or indirect blood ties with you - makes you feel homely and belonged.

To have someone related to you in the closest way, and the fact that this blood relationship is never going to change (of course leaving out emanicipation), instills in us the feeling of security and love.

That you are not one lonely soul wandering along the streets.
You have someone expecting for you at home, you have someone worrying about you, or even someone to get angry upon, you at the very least have SOMEONE.

So celebrate! We are very lucky...
What's more to feel sad about?




p.s. embracing the trend of my sisters putting family photos in their blog. call me copycat. :)

White Cambridge White Paris - I thought it's supposed to be spring?!

It had not been snowing this heavily in UK for years.
So Chien Fen organised a snowball fight outside Queens' College before our lectures.

The snow was amazingly beautiful.
People were amazingly crazy.
And our beloved Mr. Danny CHAN actually did some gay version winter sonata thingy with Hong Sheng.

I couldn't upload the video here.
But do visit my facebook to have a look at Danny's romantic act. (IT'S REALLY FUNNY)

I know this is a pictureless blog.
Many apologies for being such a BORING!! person for the past few months.

Here you go, let my pictures do the talking.

PARIS TRIP 2009 :)

Paris welcomed us with snow right after we touched down at the airport.
White Paris - romanticnya~~~
Of course not!! It's freezing cold ok?
Don't forget I am tropical breed. :P

This is LaFayette - the BRANDED mall.
Dior, Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Dolce & Gabanna, Agnes B, Burberry, Elie Saab.......OMGGGG!! Calm down qian, calm down.

This is the Gourmet, with different food stalls in the middle of a hypermarket.

Look at my oysters - YUM! And if you can notice, I couldn't wait but to swallow down one of the oysters before Danny snapped the pic.

Look at those desserts.........do you want to digest them with your stomach asid??
NO WAY!

A local restaurant. I ate duck liver for appetizers, and then duck breast for main course, which practically made it a DD - Duck Day!

Title: Danny and his Chocolate Mousse.
Yes yes yes...he had his big bowl of mousse all by himself!!!!! Crazy isn't it?

This is the really funny waiter who did his signature wink all the time when we asked for something. He looks exactly like a cartoon character...ring any bells?? - RATATOUILLE!!!

LOUIS VUITTON!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!! Hallelujah hallelujah!!!

See Napoleon??!

Victory smile :D

Cruise along the river Seine.
Too cold to 'ice-bask' on the deck, so we hid underneath :)

See my pimple and my tiger teeth??
That's my signature k?

TATA! The very famous Eiffel Tower!!!

We are obviously - B.O.R.E.D.

Ladies and gentlemen, look at your right? left? oh no FRONT!
This is the famous musuem in Paris converted from a train station.
*yawn*

My favourite! Look at the beautiful scenery behind us - it's like a painted picture :)

Beautiful right?? Hehe..I am the camera man/girl :)

The view is simply breathtaking :)
But as you can see - it needs some skills as well...

Don't believe??! You see how Mr. Danny 'generously' included the balcony in my picture.

Sayang-nya.

Punishment for lousy photo-taking skills - being a hunchback for one day :)
Yup that's the Notre Dame cathedral, with very romantic sidewalks next to it.
Birds flying, river flowing, church bells ringing, bushes topped with snow and old European buildings...
But too bad - camera ran out of batt --go and see it yourself la!

Spot my tiredness??!

This is the Musee Louvre - Luo Fu Gong (chinese) :)
Again - I look tired...
Why??

Just look at the frozen fountain!!

Now you know why?? Duh - I CAUGHT A COLD la!

Ok - lame.

Another masterpiece of mine - look at the light :)

Inside the glass pyramid!

What's in the musuem??!! Well, you have statue..

and more statues.....

and hehe...a wall painting putting Libra (Danny's horoscope) and Scorpio (my horoscope) together.
Doubt you can see it clearly..

And of course the you-must-not-miss Mona Lisa.

And yucks, I don't really wanna put up this photo.
But just so you can see how horrible a mummy looks like...eeww

Lastly, let Danny wish you a Happy New Year - Gong Xi Fa Cai :)

p.s. For more pictures - visit facebook :)

Snow in Homerton

It's snowing in Cambridge today.

Danny and I went out to take some photos.
Don't know why, I am starting to miss Homerton already.
I guess three years are not enough for me.

Even though when I first came here, I complained a lot about the stress, the small minute room, the hall food.
But after years of staying here, I find it a very beautiful place now.
Time is an amazing thing, isn't it?

I start to miss the warm light shining through the windows of dining hall at night, the smiling old porters at the reception, the morning greetings of our cheerful cleaners Grace and Cheryl, the always-so-full bicycle racks, and the corridor mates making coffee in the kitchen, this is a beautiful place, really.

On the way back, we met an angmo randomly.
Danny jokingly said 'Merry Christmas' despite it being the 1st of February.
The angmo replied with a smile 'it's about time'.

Friendly, casual, easy-going is what I like about being overseas.
:)

I'm alive

Danny and I were watching this japanese series based on a true story - 'One Litre of Tears'.
It's about a diary written by this girl with an incurable brain disease, Ikeuchi Aya.

It was a cruel sickness as the dying brain not only was taking away her ability to walk, to move, to speak, to swallow, to write, to read; it also progressed very slowly and left her conscious throughout.
When she soon realised her inability to do anything anymore, the only reason for her to live on was to continue writing her diary.
This diary was published after her death and has inspired lots of people for generations.
It was later converted into a movie and a series.

Quotes from 'One Litre of Tears':

'I really don't want to say things such as "I want to go back to how things were before". I recognise how I am right now, and I will continue to live on.'

'Reality is too cruel, too brutal. I don't even have the right to dream. As I think about the future, the tears will come out again.'

'Even though I have been hurt before by those heartless glares, this also helped me to understand that around me, there still exists some gentle glares. Therefore, I definitely won't run away. That's what I'll do. Definitely. Always.'

'When my existence seems to disappear
I will look for the place where I can do the best I can
From now on
I won't be impatient
I won't be greedy
I won't give up
Because everyone takes things step by step.'

'If you look up at the sky after falling down, the blue sky is also today stretching limitlessly and smiles at me...I'm alive.'

At first I resisted to watch even after Danny told me how good it is, because I was really afraid of crying out one litre of tears while watching it.
But after watching it, I realised those tears come with hope and warmth. It's worth shedding them for her.

Like what she said, 'To be able to smile and tell everyone this; i have, at least, cried one litre of tears. '

No matter how difficult things will be, they no longer matter anymore.
Because I'm alive.
I am alive.