Humbled

If you ask me what have I learnt over the recent years living alone overseas?
I will answer: I learnt to be small and insignificant.

Ironically, I once dreamt about overseas being a place where I could achieve my dreams and be someone different.
But upon graduating in June, I reflected on the past few years, and I guess I did the opposite instead.

I however did not regret any bit of it.
Because the experiences have transformed me into a very different person, and I like this person a lot. She is much happier.

I came to realise that everyone has their own role to play in this world, and their own path to head on.
One may be the leader of a multi-million company, but sucks in making friends.
One may be a great mother, but never a successful women.
One may be perfectly normal, never achieve one thing in life, but always a good friend, good son and good lover.

Different people excel in different things. And we all have our weaknesses.
No such thing as he is better, or she is better.
And never come to the conclusion that he is a good person, or she is evil.
People are simply different.

Perhaps because of different perceptions, we tend to judge from our own view, and here comes the 'good and bad' theory, and then the misunderstandings, the conflict, the war, the hatred.
Trust me, even selfishness has its explanation.

The more I learn and read, the more I realise how unimportant and insignificant am I.
And how humble should I be.

I am never perfect. And noone can be perfect.
No single person can do everything in the world.
There are always limitations.
And things that we can never control.
Then why bother control?

And because of this, instead of doing everything, I now choose.
Choose some and give up some.
Come on, you can't do everything right?
Let it go.

Let it go. Let it be.
Then I find things that I previously never pay attention to become very beautiful.
Life is happier if we admit that we are not that great afterall.

We are simply NORMAL. :)
And what's wrong with that?

FYI

i am opening up my blog to everyone again
it has nothing to do with anyone anything
simply because past is past and there is no reason for me to close it up anymore

So no longer need password to log in great
thanks and bye

什么态度？

有一位超级巨星，有名气，金钱，百万歌迷。反正就是事业有成，人人羡慕。
可是却不开心。
每天凌晨五点钟要起床梳化，到深夜才能放工回家。
失去了自由，失去了爱情，失去了健康。

有一天，他到朋友家去吃饭。
这位朋友很平凡，朝九晚五的上班，放工，休息。
日复一日，年复一年，没什么特别。

正在懊恼的他问了朋友一个问题：你开心吗？
朋友回答：‘开心啊！为什么不开心呢？我虽不出名，虽不有钱，但我节日可以回家，放工可以休息。’

这位大明星笑着说：‘我羡慕你。’

***

大家大概都以为大明星羡慕向往的是那平凡的生活。
那你就错了。
他向往的并不是朋友的生活模式，而是朋友那份为自己生活感到开心的知足。

从来我就认为上天是公平的。
祂并没有给这人多一些什么，或那人少一些什么。
因为开心不是一种模式。
不是说A生活就比较开心，B生活就比较伤心。
或拥有什么比较开心，没有什么比较伤心。
或A人应该比较开心，B人应该比较伤心。

开心是一种态度。
而上天没有阻止任何人去拥有这种态度。
所以不要怪责任何人，你并没有比人多了什么，或少了什么。
我们都是一样的。

命运或许是上天注定，我们作不了什么。
但是谁告诉你命运决定喜悦呢？
又是谁告诉你开心要看命运呢？

命运决定不了快乐。
快乐开心是一种态度。
你我他都可以有的态度。
你我他都不可以夺走的态度。

明星的话，就为自己的不平凡感到开心。
常人的话，就为自己的平凡感到开心。
若有其他事让你更开心，就去追求它。
但别忘记，在追求它时也要开开心心。

不开心？烦恼？难过？
你是什么态度？

Do you hear them?

After many days of concentrating on that 'meaningless' word of fashion, I finally came across something meaningful today.

There is this girl named 'Dai Ma'/Thelma.
People perceive her as 'different'.
But there is a story behind her.

I am still waiting for her story to be told.

***

HOCC, like always, aimed to spread some messages through her songs.
Even though she might lose out her popularity with these songs when the market is not mature enough to absorb it, but I believe she has the perseverance needed to get this job done.

My first encounter with her is her musical 梁祝下世传奇 , which I suspect it consists messages of gay rights.
Then I find her talented as she creates her own album and writes her songs, and most of them are inspiring in very different ways.
Her blog about Oxfam's activities to help the poor, her words, her charitable acts, her thoughts towards the world and her music amaze me totally.

This time her album is about people with mental health problems.
Is that really a sickness? Are they different? Are we any better than them? Or we are all the same?
After all her interviews with these people, what did she get from it?
What's happiness to us?

I really want to know.

HOCC's new album - 'Ten Days in the Madhouse' is on its way to my place.
Along with it is a documentary film 'The Decameron 十日谈' recording her interviews with people like 'Dai Ma'.
The album is about 'Dai Ma' spending ten days looking at 'our world', and there are ten songs in it, each and every one has a message in it.

青山黛玛




美空云雀 (about children in poor)




p.s. Thanks Alison for such good introduction. I am pretty confident that it will be good.

If you love music, and if you love to challenge your perceptions in life from time to time, I think you might love this album.

Below are Eason's and Sammi's promotions for charity exhibition/event thingy in HK. Just felt that they were quite funny in the video. LOL. Btw, if you buy the documentary film, the proceeds will go to HOCC Charity Fund. :)

Drown or alive?

Just one sign, one more sign, I will dive straight into that deep pool, without further hesitations.

I was digesting fashion literature, checking out the runway shows, reading up trend websites, and guess what, I have just enrolled myself into this short course offered by the London College of Fashion.
Tell me now - am I crazy? OMG, yes I am crazily in love with this recent obsession of mine.

But excitement and risk seemed to be in the same package after all.
Either I take them both, or not at all.

The more I read about this fascinating word 'fashion', the more I realise my distance from it.
It is a secretive place with models, celebrities, designers, gays, paparazzi, scandals...and all those dramas you can imagine.
It is nothing like you-work-hard-and-you-can-get-it kind of work.
It's all about connections, style, taste and the ability to fight like a bitch in this ever lasting war of beauty.

I am that girl who have absolute confidence in myself.
If I want it, I am going to get it.
But this is the thing - I am just afraid that I might be a little over-confident.

So I am trying not to underestimate all the possible consequences.
In the fashion industry, you can be at the top of the world, but tomorrow you can be wiped off, just like that.
Maybe because you unintentionally upset someone with your ability OR disability, or maybe you are not evil enough for the job, or maybe there is no reason after all -you are simply outdated.

You have to work from the bottom if you have no obvious links and phone numbers.
And I think models and designers are not really a fan of that fattening, sinful ice-cream, I will take it as something I need to start from scratch.

Most of all, I am afraid that all my values will be distorted, by the designer labels, by the price tags, by the unnecessary luxury which is self-fulfilling in some way.
I might just trap myself with this bunch of people who indulge in things they create themselves to make them feel happy and proud of, but none of it can affect the world in any sensible manner.

Okay maybe this is slightly too much. We have to accept - at some point of time in a woman's life, she will need a LV bag.

Why LV, Chanel, Dior?
Well, we have to accept the fact that no matter how good you feel about yourself, you always want something to feel BETTER about yourself.
Especially in this world where people judge, people compare, and people care about all this even if they know it's not true.
Beauty, brands, style can be one very shallow thing which you despise, but you still couldn't resist to give some attention to it.

All these stir up into that perfect recipe when people have the money and insecurity.
And what makes it even better - when rich people get together, they compare these things, well maybe because they normally lose out all the other things in life which they are supposed to value.
And because they dress themselves up so elegantly and gracefully, coupled up with the exaggerating effect of media, the not-so-rich people thought they are perfect afterall, and of course they will then go crazy after all these beautiful things they see.

It has no real explanation to this, its just the way things work in the glamourous cities.
Agree with it or not - it exists.

See...see..I AM DISTORTED..god get me out of here.
Maybe it's not THAT bad.

But yes. I need that signal.
That courage for me to brave up a little.
And jump.

Suffocated or discover the new land?
We shall see.

Lyrics person

Are you a melody-person or a lyrics-person?
I belong to the latter category.
Maybe because of this, I am quite good in memorizing chinese lyrics.
It normally takes three times for me to remember the entire song.

But here, I would like to introduce you this very long song (approximately 980 words).

恋爱症候群 - 黄舒骏

The Onion Story

Apparently, Mr. Danny Chan claimed that he knows seven languages, and one of them is mandarin.
Let me share with you this short conversation of ours from yesterday.

Danny's chinese name is 曾思聪 (like he always say: 思想的‘思’，聪明的‘聪’ - ok point taken Mr., yes we know you are smart)

But I always call him 洋葱的‘葱’.

So yesterday we had this random conversation:

Me: 喂，想一想，我还是不要洋葱啦，洋葱会让人哭。
Danny with his 'fluent' mandarin and that funnily over-confident tone: Eh, 我是一个特~~~~~别的葱 k?不一样的。
（请想象那些儿童节目的主持人总是喜欢拉长一些字，像是‘最～～～～大的’，Danny's ‘特’就是这样。）


Me: Eh 你不是说你讨厌马X人吗？他们拜拜的地方也是葱。
（对不起，是有一点种族歧视。）
Danny: 他们那个是半粒葱ok?　我是一粒葱。

-.-"

怎么有人这么爱做葱啊？

Lol.

***

现在就让我们听听Danny Chan 的主题曲吧！
杨宗炜的‘洋葱’！！

p.s. Take into account Danny's almost perfect mandarin, I specially chose this one with the English subtitles. Hope you like it. :p



剧终。

卡斯：
男主角：洋葱先生
男配角：曾思聪先生
友请客窜：Me 小姐，马先生
主题曲：杨宗炜
编剧：曾思聪先生
导演：谢谢你的无比耐心小姐

Cut the crap

Danny was calling the Liverpool airport to ask for the most appropriate route to the airport.

The operator picks up the phone and here goes their conversation:-

Danny: Hey! How are you doing today?
Operator: I am having a great day! What about you?
Danny: Thanks, my day is not too bad.

Pause.

CAN YOU BOTH JUST CUT THE CRAP and go straight to the point??!
Don't pretend as if you both really care about each other. LOL.

This happens even when Danny orders pizzas or asks for directions on the street.

No, it's not just him. I realise most of the brits start off their enquiry conversations like this.

Not going straight to the point is their style.

***

Danny reminded me about this joke we came across in a book.

Scene one: A man fell into the river and screamed for help, and a brit passed by.

Man: HELP!!! HELP~~~
The brit just walked away.

Scene two: A man fell into a river and screamed for help when a brit was passing by, but this time the way he screamed is slightly different.

Man struggling in the river: I am terribly sorry to bother you. But could you please, only if it is convenient for you, save me?

And of course, impressed by his politeness, the brit saved him.

:p

When we once believe

Out of nowhere, some images suddenly struck me to my surprise when I was concentrating on my laptop screen.

***

I remember us sitting in a small room, each took a corner, and three of us were working on our speech.
Li Jun took the table; Yi Hui sat on the floor with the bed as her table; and me lying on the bed.
It was 3am in the morning.
We could barely hear the voices downstairs, I guess the others were preparing the questions for the questioning session.
I couldn't recall whose room was that.
Because this scene occurred so many times, so it might be in my house, or Li Jun's place, or Yi Hui's room, but definitely somewhere I am very familiar with.

***

I remember three of us were holding in our tears in the lift.
The lift stopped, and the door opened.
God damn it our competitor just joined us in the lift.
We put our heads down a little to avoid any eye contact.
It's our floor now. We walked to our hotel room.

Great! We forgot the key.
So we called someone to bring up the key and sat at the stairs while waiting.
Finally we talked about the competition.
What the hell were we doing? We were so lengthy that we lost so much time, and yet we couldn't believe it until we watched our tape again.

Finally someone brought us the key.
We went into the room.
Three of us burst into tears, not sobbing, but crying, crying real hard.
I guess it was the stress throughout six tough months.

***

Regardless of whether it was the right thing to believe, the strength of our belief itself amazed me.
The commitment we put in, the sacrifice we made, the way we insisted on one thing for so many years, no, not years, to be exact, it's days, days and days of hardwork.

I once doubt our friendship.
Just like what Lyssa said, 'we are friends not because we have matching characters, it's debate that brought us together'.
We tried betrayal. We tried backstabbing. We tried silence and moving on with our lives. We tried the dramas.
I once believe that we weren't friends at all; we were simply a bunch of people tied together by fate.

But on second thought,
you both were there when I had my first time on stage;
you both were there when I lost my confidence;
you both were there when we won our champion;
you both were there when I told you about how sad I was when I walked out from my house;
you both were there when discipline teachers caused us trouble, when we were forced to come out with a performance idea overnight, when we almost gave up;
you both were there, sitting right beside me, for almost hundred competitions.

And of course you were there to pick up the phone when Danny came into my life; and there in the same living room when I had my first period, and for god's sake you both came out with that theme song to laugh at me.

Because we shared the same experience, same fate, same memories; and that is why you both understand that part of me when the others don't.

If that is fate, I will say we must have a really strong fate.

***

Now, life is back on track for me.
But if you ask me if I could put that effort into one thing ever again, I will say no.
I doubt I have such courage and bravery to do it again now.
Now, I feel tired, all the time.

Even though people called that stupidity and naiveness; but I kinda miss that period of time when we stupidly believed in dreams, and naively put in our best in everything we do.
That period of time when we shared that unbelievable strength to hold us throughout.
That period of time when there was no realistic calculation and no such thing called 'doubts'.

Because now I kinda lost it.
Come to think about it, maybe it's you both who gave me that strength.

If you ask me again, is there real friendship between us, I will say yes, a pretty special one - we make mistakes, we forgive, we understand.