Night of silence

* It's a long post ahead, just jump to the conclusion if you are in a hurry, but only if you are in a hurry :p*

Have you ever look up at the sky in a cold dark night?

What do you see?
Do you see only overwhelming darkness? Or do you see stars shimmering in the sky, with warm soothing glows breaking through the blackness?

I see the stars.

*****

1.

I habitually walked to my pigeon hole.
Instead of spams, fliers, I found piles of warm wishes lying there.

A card from the States. And a green note from the Porters Lodge - I have a parcel!

While my mind was telling me not to walk so fast, my legs were subconsciously gaining speed on the way to the Plodge.
With a parcel wrapped nicely on my hand, I raced to my room.

The card is from Hui Xin, my 'big sister' in Homerton.
Her words are as sweet as always - never fails to cheer up my day.
I miss everything about her - our exploitation of college free internal phone calls, our efforts in holding up CUUNA, our weekly bible studies every Friday afternoon, and our cook out sessions in CG and CF (I never will forget how much rice we used to cook in one night)

And of course, that always out-going, extremely organized, caring, friendly, lovely character of hers. All the best in Harvard my dear friend.

*****

2.

Back to the parcel, I know it's from the most important people in my life - my family.

Opening up the box, there lies a lovely hand-made blue card on top of the present-S.

Never underestimate the size of something by the look of it.
Despite the small squarish surface of it - it is actually a massive card with layers hidden beneath.
This is the most creative card I have ever received in my life.

There are words all over the card in silvery ink, which finally make me realized - well yes I have a big family with 4 siblings.
Which means that I have love multiply by six, which gives us the answer of unlimited supply of love (ok, i can't count).

And among the words, I saw my eldest aunty's handwritings. 谢家有女初长成 Thanks for putting a smile on my face :)

Guess what mum has got for me?
* The Esprit purple scarf, once hanging there on the rack unbelonged, is now MY Esprit purprle scarf!!! Mum simply knows me best.
* A long sleeves white top from GUESS. OMG! It goes perfectly with my purple scarf and the knitted vest top CF gave me as a birthday present.
* That's not all of it. There is also a long black jeans from Zara (my fav brand other than Jane Norman and Guess). Most importantly it's a tight cut jeans. I only mentioned it to mum once - 'mummy, i think i need to get another pair of black jeans which has a tight cut so that I can wear my boots with it' - and I got it after two weeks.

They make me feel special, always.
Like how dad messaged me when he was in Boston 'Happy Birthday, I love you.'
Simple and sweet.

*****

3.

As usual, it's dinner with Chien Fen.
I met up Chien Fen right in front of John's at 6.15pm.
My feelings were at that time, as dark as the sky.
We strolled down to Quayside, parked our bikes, and walked to Teri-aki (a jap restaurant in Cam).

When I was about to tell the waiter 'table for two please..'
Chien Fen, to my surprise, walked straight to the end of the restaurant.
In a slightly confused manner, I followed her.

What came into my sight next was Kenrick, Siew Kit, WeiShen, Jo, Chee Hui, Han Yang, Jin Yang sitting there at the long table. No..not really sitting down, they stood up, smiling, as I walked in.

Yes, they have planned me a birthday dinner, which I have absolutely no idea about it before that. Other than giving them that stoned-amazed-unbelievable look, and saying 'thanks thanks thanks', I do not know how to put my feelings into words.

Total surprise - because I did not expect it at all.
Glad - because I thought I will never get to see them again this term.
Touched - because I know it's an effort to come out on a Sunday night with all the supervision work pending and lectures next morning.
Grateful - because I must be extremely lucky to know all of you.

Thought in my mind: go hug everyone of you :)
But yea, everyone in the restaurant were looking at us instead of their food, so I decided not to execute it.

Turning all my feelings into a wide broad smile, I told myself to appreciate this wonderful evening. We ate, we chatted (and bombs everywhere like we usually did) and we blew the cake, and Jiayi came, and our Temenggung Cina JY took photos with his super-pro camera (which is almost as big as my face)

Thanks for this lovely evening and the wonderful presents, maybe they are unaware about it, but when I was about to give up hope, they were there for me.

When we were walking out from the restaurant, Siew Kit asked me 'are you alright?'
It's just a simple sentence but i really felt like crying when i heard that. I thank Chien Fen a lot for planning it, like what we said to each other, 'I will die for you'. Thank you. Xie Xie. Terima Kasih (specially dedicated to our beloved Bruneian -JY.

*****

4.

I logged in Googlemail, scanned through my inbox, and saw few emails highlighted in bold. From them - Lyssa, Corey, Ching Chui, Yihui.

Though they tried their best to make their emails sound funny, scolded me for being worried, swore all over, but of all the words they have written for me - forgive me - I only see the word 'friendship'.

From the sentence structure, I can tell that Corey was extremely tired after his exams, yet he made it a point to reply me at 3am in the morning.
From Lyssa words, I can tell that every single sentence she wrote, she understands. She understands what am I feeling.
From Ching Chui sharp analysis and encouraging letters, I know that even though she might not make it obvious, but yes, she cares about me.
Although Yihui's reply is short and simple, but it is more than enough to hold me up.

I know how a true friend looks like now - it looks exactly like them.

*****

5.

I was crying over the phone.
Tzuch, at the other end, was patiently listening to me.
I was telling him how disappointed I am about people, about human's nature, about juniors whom I once loved so much.

Tzuch replied me with a firm voice:
'You are the best person one can have in life. It's their loss, not yours.'
'You always know your value. Don't doubt yourself. Don't let things like this pull you down.'

I know most of them are hardly true. More like consoling words.
But I am glad to have him around, esp when things are not right.
Because he is always there to stand by me and make it right.

*****

6.

It is 11.36pm, 27th of October.
While I was focusing on my laptop screen, someone knocked on my window.
It's Eric. He asked me to open the door for him as he forgot his card.

With purse and access card in my hands, I opened the door.
POP! Alison! Smoky! Straps! Birthday hats! Yo!
Okay, too many things happened at the same time - I guess I need to break them down into smaller parts.

I heard - POP POP POP POP POP! Yo, yeah, woohoo! (some cheering sounds with applause and laughters)
I smelt - slightly burned, smoky smell coming out from the party props.
Then I saw - Alison, Karson, Eric and Danny (who took a night train all the way from Shef to celebrate with me) with funny birthday hats on their heads.
And I found out - that I am locked in my room as my door was blocked with silver straps printing '21st Happy Birthday!'.

Cool. I've came back to my senses.
The door's blocked. What's next?
Oh I see - I must wait till 12am to come out.
So we waited, and waited, and waited.
To be exact, it's not at all waiting.
I prefer to describe it as camwhoring and discovering ways of playing with birthday hatS.

After the crazy midnight hats game, I went back to bed, knowing that I will be having sweet dreams tonight.

p.s. one night was OBVIOUSLY not enough for us, so Alison planned a birthday dinner with the rest of the Hong Kong engineers, Lukas, Kevin and Kimberle. I had a home-made cake from Alison, and it tastes yummy! :)

*****

7.

Was deleting all the junk emails spamming me these few weeks.
I found one email there from someone unexpected - Livia.

It's an email from some of the juniors.
They thanked me for voicing out for them (clarification: they never ask me to).

I took some time browsing through their websites.
Movies, outings, dinners with friends, birthday celebrations - I know they are happy right now.

You know what?
That's enough for me.
In fact, more than enough.


*****

8.

28th of October, I had ice pouring from the sky.
Great. Hail. Not again.
Danny and I were forced to stop in front of Lion Yard while waiting for god's mercy to melt away the icy cold.

My phone rang and I picked up with my wet hands.
'Happy Birthday to you~~~ Happy Birthday to you~~~ Happy Birthday to Wan Qian ~~~
Happy Birthday to you~~~'

From the sweet-sounding, melodious, heart-melting voice, I know it's Quin Er!!
We talked on the phone for 10 minutes.
As usual, cheezy and cheerful, like banana shake(long story).

All of a sudden,
I could not feel the cold anymore.

*****

9.

Jiayi emailed me to ask me out for lunch on Friday.
Those who could not make it to my birthday dinner few days ago wanted to have a lunch with me instead.
So its my belated birthday lunch with Kevin (he came on that night though), Mei Hua, Yi Lun, and Jiayi.

Jiayi gave me a book titled 'The Last Lecture' by Randy Pausch, a lecturer who dedicated his last speech to his children before pancreatic cancer took away his life.

I simply love book or cd gifts. To me, gift is more meaningful when it's in a form of sharing.

I finished the book in one day. And I have to say, it's something I am determined to read and read again.
I will treasure that gift like how I treasure our friendship.

*****

Those people who hurt us, and those who think only themselves,
Like insurmountable challenges, like formidable evil, like disheartening disappointment,
Like the dark sky so empty,
They are countless, boundless, continuous, overwhelming.

The shining stars
Are those who love us for who we truly are,
And those who stand up for us regardless of what the others say,


Even though darkness takes up most of the sky, way more than the stars,
But think about it,
When we raise our head and look above,
We see only the stars, outshining the dark.

So who cares if the sky is filled up by darkness when we have stars shining above?
Who cares if someone else is hurting you when we already our love ones?
Look at the stars. Not the darkness.
Look at the stars.

Frozen in the snow lies roses sleeping, flowers that will echo the sunrise.
Rumors of dawn so embracing, soon we will know of the morning.

This is why I named this very little space of mine as 'Before Daylight'.
Because even before the crack of the dawn, when people are trembling in shadows, I am not afraid.
I have stars.

Regardless how far they are away from me,
I know by my heart,
I have stars.
Right above me.

I used to wonder why my eyes water everytime when I come across a starry night.
I know it now.
Because it reminds me of the fire of hope in the silent night,
And the promised glaze with hues of red and orange next morning.