Drown or alive?

Just one sign, one more sign, I will dive straight into that deep pool, without further hesitations.

I was digesting fashion literature, checking out the runway shows, reading up trend websites, and guess what, I have just enrolled myself into this short course offered by the London College of Fashion.
Tell me now - am I crazy? OMG, yes I am crazily in love with this recent obsession of mine.

But excitement and risk seemed to be in the same package after all.
Either I take them both, or not at all.

The more I read about this fascinating word 'fashion', the more I realise my distance from it.
It is a secretive place with models, celebrities, designers, gays, paparazzi, scandals...and all those dramas you can imagine.
It is nothing like you-work-hard-and-you-can-get-it kind of work.
It's all about connections, style, taste and the ability to fight like a bitch in this ever lasting war of beauty.

I am that girl who have absolute confidence in myself.
If I want it, I am going to get it.
But this is the thing - I am just afraid that I might be a little over-confident.

So I am trying not to underestimate all the possible consequences.
In the fashion industry, you can be at the top of the world, but tomorrow you can be wiped off, just like that.
Maybe because you unintentionally upset someone with your ability OR disability, or maybe you are not evil enough for the job, or maybe there is no reason after all -you are simply outdated.

You have to work from the bottom if you have no obvious links and phone numbers.
And I think models and designers are not really a fan of that fattening, sinful ice-cream, I will take it as something I need to start from scratch.

Most of all, I am afraid that all my values will be distorted, by the designer labels, by the price tags, by the unnecessary luxury which is self-fulfilling in some way.
I might just trap myself with this bunch of people who indulge in things they create themselves to make them feel happy and proud of, but none of it can affect the world in any sensible manner.

Okay maybe this is slightly too much. We have to accept - at some point of time in a woman's life, she will need a LV bag.

Why LV, Chanel, Dior?
Well, we have to accept the fact that no matter how good you feel about yourself, you always want something to feel BETTER about yourself.
Especially in this world where people judge, people compare, and people care about all this even if they know it's not true.
Beauty, brands, style can be one very shallow thing which you despise, but you still couldn't resist to give some attention to it.

All these stir up into that perfect recipe when people have the money and insecurity.
And what makes it even better - when rich people get together, they compare these things, well maybe because they normally lose out all the other things in life which they are supposed to value.
And because they dress themselves up so elegantly and gracefully, coupled up with the exaggerating effect of media, the not-so-rich people thought they are perfect afterall, and of course they will then go crazy after all these beautiful things they see.

It has no real explanation to this, its just the way things work in the glamourous cities.
Agree with it or not - it exists.

See...see..I AM DISTORTED..god get me out of here.
Maybe it's not THAT bad.

But yes. I need that signal.
That courage for me to brave up a little.
And jump.

Suffocated or discover the new land?
We shall see.